Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
