we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
