yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
