You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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