the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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