she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
