So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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