There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
