batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The power of my boobs compel you
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
