I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
