you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
