I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
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Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
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He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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