I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.