I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
