I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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