I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
