i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
