I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
