and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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