saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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