you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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