Got a toothbrush?
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
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