You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
