apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
