New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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