Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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