dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
