paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
