it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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