Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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