he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
