Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
