Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
