I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
