whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize