i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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