Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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