The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
