haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize