Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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