you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
