i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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