I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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