she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dick very happy bro
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
