just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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