Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
