I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
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i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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