i just wanna soil my oats bro
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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