Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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