Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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