Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize