he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
