Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
