The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
