Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
