Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
