I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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