I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
