I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize