last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
