just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
