K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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