So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
