Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
