kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
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